Time out. Confession here...of a not very pretty side of me.
Yep. Today I had one. Or you know, my version of one. One where I'm so flustered I'm laughing and kinda laugh/crying all at the same time. The really unattractive way. Where I'm laying in bed telling Brad it isn't funny when I'm laugh-crying my way through telling him why I'm panicking.
The one where I selfishly say I don't care about his bruise, or that he has to work and that's why he can't do what I want him to do...all while trying not to weirdly laugh and cry at the same time. (He was telling me those things to make me feel better - I just wasn't having it.)
Why did I have said attack? Because I don't want to go to the grocery.
Seriously?!?! Am I 5 years old? But really I kinda despise going to the grocery. I even have started making a list and having a plan...I just don't like it. Never have. Probably never will. It feels like groundhog day every week...go to the store, buy the same staples, haul all those dumb things back.
This week is exceptionally bad...because we went Saturday to pick up a few things, but I hadn't planned meals for the week, so I had to go back on Monday. However, of course our new HEB doesn't have a meat counter so I needed to go AGAIN for the brisket I was planning to make for group tonight. Except...then I worked last night (6-midnight) so I wasn't able to go get the brisket lat night like I planned.
So enter today, I'm tired...Noah just knew his tired Mama didn't crawl into bed until 1 am after work and boy woke up at 4 am . I didn't really mind...such a sweet smile he greeted me with. So I decided to be a pushover and brought him to lay next to me so I could cuddle him and still sleep. But then the second time he woke up at 7am, and sweet Brad had come to talk to me and BAM - FREAK OUT.
Anyways..for all my whining. I still have to go. I'm looking at Noah pep talking both of us into it right now. (It takes a pep talk to get my 20 lb baby boy and all those bags of groceries up the stairs in one trip.
But all this to say. Wow. Sometimes the ugliness of my heart...it's just not so pretty to be faced with. A strong reminder of how seriously sinful I am, and how thankful I am that Christ took that sin from me, because I SURE do not deserve the love of God. How grateful I am to be His, and that he has forgiven me, and that he has grace for me in the moments of ugliness in my flesh, and that only He can change my heart so that going to the grocery store does not cause me to have a melt down. Because really, if going to the grocery is at bad as it gets for me today...why on this earth would I complain.
Yep. Today I had one. Or you know, my version of one. One where I'm so flustered I'm laughing and kinda laugh/crying all at the same time. The really unattractive way. Where I'm laying in bed telling Brad it isn't funny when I'm laugh-crying my way through telling him why I'm panicking.
The one where I selfishly say I don't care about his bruise, or that he has to work and that's why he can't do what I want him to do...all while trying not to weirdly laugh and cry at the same time. (He was telling me those things to make me feel better - I just wasn't having it.)
Why did I have said attack? Because I don't want to go to the grocery.
Seriously?!?! Am I 5 years old? But really I kinda despise going to the grocery. I even have started making a list and having a plan...I just don't like it. Never have. Probably never will. It feels like groundhog day every week...go to the store, buy the same staples, haul all those dumb things back.
This week is exceptionally bad...because we went Saturday to pick up a few things, but I hadn't planned meals for the week, so I had to go back on Monday. However, of course our new HEB doesn't have a meat counter so I needed to go AGAIN for the brisket I was planning to make for group tonight. Except...then I worked last night (6-midnight) so I wasn't able to go get the brisket lat night like I planned.
So enter today, I'm tired...Noah just knew his tired Mama didn't crawl into bed until 1 am after work and boy woke up at 4 am . I didn't really mind...such a sweet smile he greeted me with. So I decided to be a pushover and brought him to lay next to me so I could cuddle him and still sleep. But then the second time he woke up at 7am, and sweet Brad had come to talk to me and BAM - FREAK OUT.
Anyways..for all my whining. I still have to go. I'm looking at Noah pep talking both of us into it right now. (It takes a pep talk to get my 20 lb baby boy and all those bags of groceries up the stairs in one trip.
But all this to say. Wow. Sometimes the ugliness of my heart...it's just not so pretty to be faced with. A strong reminder of how seriously sinful I am, and how thankful I am that Christ took that sin from me, because I SURE do not deserve the love of God. How grateful I am to be His, and that he has forgiven me, and that he has grace for me in the moments of ugliness in my flesh, and that only He can change my heart so that going to the grocery store does not cause me to have a melt down. Because really, if going to the grocery is at bad as it gets for me today...why on this earth would I complain.
2 comments:
i also am not a fan of grocery shopping-especially since it also involves getting a child + bags up stairs. not really looking forward to figuring out how to do with with 2 babies + groceries. you are not alone :)
I love your honest post. We sound so much a like sometimes!
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