Witnessed suffering

Yep. Two in a week.

Insomnia has set in.  Actually, sleeping has not been too much of a problem this time, just more getting to sleep.  I would blame that on the daily naps though...oops! :)

The week has improved significantly as it has gone on.

I'm so thankful for that.

Our projects for the week have gone better, and Noah is so excited every day to open the envelope and see what he gets to do.

Tonight Noah and I took cookies we baked to the fire station.  I'm not a baker..which I believe has been documented on this fine blog...but they turned out ok thankfully.  I made Brad taste test them for us before we took them haha.

Anyways, after we dropped those off I told Noah I would take him to see some fun Christmas lights.

*note..I left my phone at home for this adventure*

*History: I have a history of picking up hitchhikers...and Brad and our family have assured me that maybe that was not my wisest decision,

So as we were driving to see the lights, on a backroad that was dark and with only a few houses, I noticed a car stopped on the side of the road.  I didn't think much about it, as I was on the hunt for the house I had heard about.  (Of course I didn't write down the address, or have my phone to look it up hahaha) Noah and I had decided that we clearly weren't on the right track and turned around to head home towards some other Christmas lights we like.  When we turned around, I saw the car that had been previously stopped driving away quickly, and a woman was waving at me.

I knew I didn't have a phone and Noah was in my car...but I just couldn't not stop. She said that her boyfriend was trying to beat her up, and had thrown her phone out of the car.  I stopped and shined my lights so she could find her phone, and offered to take her somewhere.  The boyfriend then came back and he kinda yelled at her and gave her her purse.  She got in the car crying and smoking..and I kinda started panicking.
My thoughts were something along these lines:

 Rachael seriously....she could kill you..
NOAH IS IN THE CAR!!!!
Please, Lord Jesus, Please keep us safe
What are you thinking?!?!
This guy could follow you!
What if he has a gun?
What if she does?
What if she's actually planning to hurt me and doesn't really need a ride?
YOU DON'T HAVE A PHONE YOU MORON!
LORD WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

Seriously. Sheer panic.

But then, my heart just broke for her. She told me they had been together for 5 months, she lives with the guy, he's gotten violent before, and how he's such a great guy he had just gotten a little out of control today after drinking.

Oh friends...this life she was leading. I just didn't have words of comfort or peace.

I wanted to take her to her mom's but she wouldn't go...she wanted to be dropped off at a bar in town..she was going to go back and meet the boyfriend once she "cooled off." She was convinced that since she was meeting up with his family he wouldn't hurt her...and I just wanted to take her to the police.

I didn't have words. I wanted to tell her about Jesus. About a savior who would love her and make her complete in ways she couldn't comprehend.  But the words didn't come.  We talked about the cookies for the fireman, and the Christmas lights, but I couldn't get words about my Jesus out.

I gave her my number and pleaded with her to call me if she ever needed safety. I asked her repeatedly to go to the police or her mother's but not to meet up with him..but she just kept thanking me and then left to go into the bar to wait for her boyfriend.

During all of this time, Noah was quiet in the back. So shy and taking it all in.  As soon as she got out he asked what had happened.  He asked who had hurt her and why we were driving her.  I talked to him, and explained to him as best we could that people are hurt and broken and need our love and help. I tried with what simple words I could come up with to explain that Jesus loves us and we love others....

But oh my heart.  Sometimes I take the peace in our life for granted.  I forget that this peace and comfort of a home with loving parents and more than we need is a gift and something that should be shared. I forget in the hard days of being home with my kiddos, and isolation of feeling lonely here sometimes, and the tired from the day to day..I forget to be open and sacrificial.

So tonight..I'm so thankful for the reminder. Also...not even lying I'm super thankful we're safe...because admittedly it wasn't my wisest moment. I broke down in hysterics when I was confessing to Brad because I knew he would not be happy with my decision to put Noah at risk...he was incredibly gracious..but I couldn't stop laugh/crying while telling him..Noah thought I was crying and kept trying to comfort me. Hahahaha.

Learning. Always learning here.

It is time.

It is time to get back to this blog business.  I loved having it to keep up with memories about life and our sweet little loves so I'm going to try.

Keyword...try.

Because I know me, and the tired truth of our days and that when those kiddos finally go to sleep I don't tend to want to update here.

But more importantly...I miss it. I can read through and have so many memories refreshed..so we're gonna try!

As for current life happenings...sweet Noah is 3 1/2...and Abbs is 1 1/2. How on earth they are that old and we have been parents for this long baffles me.

This current stage though...has not been my favorite.

I told Brad tonight that I think we had to far too easy for far too long. We're paying a little bit for it now. Year three has been tough on our little guy...not even the whole year..but the last three months. Abby girl is quite s personality, and we are working on molding that into obedience and kindness.  She is our tiny little instigator..and this is all uncharted territory for us.

So these days are long...precious..but long.

This morning in church the pastor mentioned delighting in our children. It wasn't the point of the message..but I was convicted in the moment. Have I been delighting in the sweetness of these kiddos lately? I don't really feel so.  I feel like lately the days have been long and hard, and I have spent more time disciplining than enjoying. When he mentioned that today though, I knew my heart needed to change. So I'm praying for a fresh and new start this week.  That tomorrow will be a joyful morning, and one where I take the time to enjoy my little loves and worry less about the crazy.

On a more positive note...
We have been coloring Christmas pictures all weekend..it has been a fun activity as a family.  Noah wants to color with Brad and I at all times.

We are also working on serving others this Christmas.  So we are doing 25 days of kindness in the Allison home.  Each day we have a fun activity to do for someone else.  So far we have made ornaments for friends, colored pictures, bought book bags for a women's shelter, donated toys, and made and delivered candy to our neighbors.  Now don't hear me say this like I'm bragging...there is no bragging here.  Buying those book bags and the ingredients for the candy was a whole new level of torture for this mama.  Noah actually yelled at me for the first time...and it was awful. But...this who process is refining me..and also such a fun activity for us all.  Each day they open an envelope that tells them what the day's activity will be.  I catered them to what we already had planned for the day..such as tomorrow we are taking candy to our doctor's office since we have an appointment. Easy, but something to get the kiddos minds on others.

Tonight..we had our first brush with Santa. We don't really do Santa here.  Early on we said we weren't going to do it..but we just haven't made a big deal about it. We basically just haven't talked about him. Naive ol' me really thought we would never have to even worry about having that conversation. Well tonight while he was coloring his Christmas pictures (specifically chosen with no Santas) and Noah started asking about who was bringing his presents. We told him we were..and he was determined that Santa would be brining his presents.  We kinda just dropped the topic..but now I know more of these conversations are coming. We're going to have to accept it and make a decision. Ha. Oh well.

And that's that! Have a great night!