Tuesday, June 23, 2015

It's been awhile

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." James 1:27

Today..the big kids had Mom's Day Out, and sweet Maggie and I were home alone.  I had plans, wanted to get the house cleaned up...it had gotten a little disorganized and we just NEED some major organization to make this place flow.  So I fed Mags and got her down for a nap, and laid her in our bedroom in her bed so I could clean and not worry about waking her up with my noise.

I threw in some headphones, put on my favorite Pandora station and went to work.

Now our bedroom is on the other end of the house and I was focused.  I thought I heard her peep once so I listened for her, heard nothing, and went back to work.  I went out into the addition.  From here, without a monitor, I definitely couldn't hear Mags, but I knew she was sleeping so I thought I had a few minutes.  While I was out there I made up the guest bed and cleaned up the kids toys. I wasn't super quick, but I didn't take an hour or anything...

I came back in and grabbed a basket of the girls' clothes to put away and walked down the hall.  I thought I better check on sweet Maggie and went into my room.  I found her in hysterics.  Not an exaggeration..her whole body was shaking with sobs and she was wet from a cold sweat.  Literally clammy.  My precious, not even one month old baby, crying in pure fear (I imagine).

My heart broke.  I felt so so sad for her. I picked her up and held her immediately, looked her in her eyes and spoke as soothingly as possible to her....I wanted her to know she was safe and loved and not abandoned...though I am sure to her tiny self it felt as if she had been.

I just couldn't handle that I scared my little one that much.

Thankfully, Brad came home then and talked me off the ledge of feeling like I ruined her...kidding..but really...

But then all day I just couldn't get out of my head how little orphans must feel.  Or these sweet little babies I read about in the news that are abused and neglected.  My heart and soul were raw today just thinking that my Maggie was only alone for a few minutes and how scared she was at not having someone answer her cries...these children are left alone much longer and in much worse conditions than a safe bed, swaddled in a blanket.

I just feel like the Lord spoke to my heart today.  I don't know what that means necessarily.  I'm not sure what He was saying exactly..but He was definitely making it clear I'm not to be complacent about this.  About precious children who have nothing of what my children have. Those who don't know the love of a mama, or a daddy, or what it feels like to be comforted and soothed and protected when they're scared. What I do know - I have been praying for the Lord to reveal to me where I might serve him best in the coming years - and I feel like maybe it has something to do with this.  No idea what that will look like. But it has weighed heavy on me all day...so I just needed to get it out.

Also...baby Mags pictures. Coming soon.  Born 5/24/15 - she's perfection.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015


I love Christmas!!!

You can probably read back over the last 8ish years on this blog and tell that.

Christmas is even better with these precious little loves in our life!

They were so excited (especially Noah) and had so much fun with their presents! I loved it.

Leading up to Christmas we decided to do "25 days of kindness"  as a family.  Basically we had a different service project, or gift for other people that we worked on up until Christmas. Each day they would open an envelope and then we would do the activity of the day.

CONFESSION: We didn't complete every single day. I think in the end there were 4 days we didn't get done...which makes me very sad...but also hopeful because that means 20 of the days we did do it.

Our whole hope for this was that Christmas would be focused and pointed on Jesus, and that our kiddos would remember that Christmas is about so much more than presents.  Also we are so trying to teach our babies about serving others and thinking of others first, and thought this would be a great way to do so.

It seems to have worked.  Don't get me wrong...we obviously have toddler moments.  But after a month of this Noah now pretty often tells me "we're thinking of others Mama," or "I need to give that to someone else mama, because we're thinking of others." So I feel like our message was definitely received.  Melt. My. Heart.

I hope we can continue this tradition each year. I think it was the best decision we made this year, and can't wait to do it again next year. And now...because I've not put pictures up of these sweet little loves in far too long..here we go!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Witnessed suffering

Yep. Two in a week.

Insomnia has set in.  Actually, sleeping has not been too much of a problem this time, just more getting to sleep.  I would blame that on the daily naps though...oops! :)

The week has improved significantly as it has gone on.

I'm so thankful for that.

Our projects for the week have gone better, and Noah is so excited every day to open the envelope and see what he gets to do.

Tonight Noah and I took cookies we baked to the fire station.  I'm not a baker..which I believe has been documented on this fine blog...but they turned out ok thankfully.  I made Brad taste test them for us before we took them haha.

Anyways, after we dropped those off I told Noah I would take him to see some fun Christmas lights.

*note..I left my phone at home for this adventure*

*History: I have a history of picking up hitchhikers...and Brad and our family have assured me that maybe that was not my wisest decision,

So as we were driving to see the lights, on a backroad that was dark and with only a few houses, I noticed a car stopped on the side of the road.  I didn't think much about it, as I was on the hunt for the house I had heard about.  (Of course I didn't write down the address, or have my phone to look it up hahaha) Noah and I had decided that we clearly weren't on the right track and turned around to head home towards some other Christmas lights we like.  When we turned around, I saw the car that had been previously stopped driving away quickly, and a woman was waving at me.

I knew I didn't have a phone and Noah was in my car...but I just couldn't not stop. She said that her boyfriend was trying to beat her up, and had thrown her phone out of the car.  I stopped and shined my lights so she could find her phone, and offered to take her somewhere.  The boyfriend then came back and he kinda yelled at her and gave her her purse.  She got in the car crying and smoking..and I kinda started panicking.
My thoughts were something along these lines:

 Rachael seriously....she could kill you..
Please, Lord Jesus, Please keep us safe
What are you thinking?!?!
This guy could follow you!
What if he has a gun?
What if she does?
What if she's actually planning to hurt me and doesn't really need a ride?

Seriously. Sheer panic.

But then, my heart just broke for her. She told me they had been together for 5 months, she lives with the guy, he's gotten violent before, and how he's such a great guy he had just gotten a little out of control today after drinking.

Oh friends...this life she was leading. I just didn't have words of comfort or peace.

I wanted to take her to her mom's but she wouldn't go...she wanted to be dropped off at a bar in town..she was going to go back and meet the boyfriend once she "cooled off." She was convinced that since she was meeting up with his family he wouldn't hurt her...and I just wanted to take her to the police.

I didn't have words. I wanted to tell her about Jesus. About a savior who would love her and make her complete in ways she couldn't comprehend.  But the words didn't come.  We talked about the cookies for the fireman, and the Christmas lights, but I couldn't get words about my Jesus out.

I gave her my number and pleaded with her to call me if she ever needed safety. I asked her repeatedly to go to the police or her mother's but not to meet up with him..but she just kept thanking me and then left to go into the bar to wait for her boyfriend.

During all of this time, Noah was quiet in the back. So shy and taking it all in.  As soon as she got out he asked what had happened.  He asked who had hurt her and why we were driving her.  I talked to him, and explained to him as best we could that people are hurt and broken and need our love and help. I tried with what simple words I could come up with to explain that Jesus loves us and we love others....

But oh my heart.  Sometimes I take the peace in our life for granted.  I forget that this peace and comfort of a home with loving parents and more than we need is a gift and something that should be shared. I forget in the hard days of being home with my kiddos, and isolation of feeling lonely here sometimes, and the tired from the day to day..I forget to be open and sacrificial.

So tonight..I'm so thankful for the reminder. Also...not even lying I'm super thankful we're safe...because admittedly it wasn't my wisest moment. I broke down in hysterics when I was confessing to Brad because I knew he would not be happy with my decision to put Noah at risk...he was incredibly gracious..but I couldn't stop laugh/crying while telling him..Noah thought I was crying and kept trying to comfort me. Hahahaha.

Learning. Always learning here.

Monday, December 8, 2014

It is time.

It is time to get back to this blog business.  I loved having it to keep up with memories about life and our sweet little loves so I'm going to try.


Because I know me, and the tired truth of our days and that when those kiddos finally go to sleep I don't tend to want to update here.

But more importantly...I miss it. I can read through and have so many memories refreshed..so we're gonna try!

As for current life happenings...sweet Noah is 3 1/2...and Abbs is 1 1/2. How on earth they are that old and we have been parents for this long baffles me.

This current stage though...has not been my favorite.

I told Brad tonight that I think we had to far too easy for far too long. We're paying a little bit for it now. Year three has been tough on our little guy...not even the whole year..but the last three months. Abby girl is quite s personality, and we are working on molding that into obedience and kindness.  She is our tiny little instigator..and this is all uncharted territory for us.

So these days are long...precious..but long.

This morning in church the pastor mentioned delighting in our children. It wasn't the point of the message..but I was convicted in the moment. Have I been delighting in the sweetness of these kiddos lately? I don't really feel so.  I feel like lately the days have been long and hard, and I have spent more time disciplining than enjoying. When he mentioned that today though, I knew my heart needed to change. So I'm praying for a fresh and new start this week.  That tomorrow will be a joyful morning, and one where I take the time to enjoy my little loves and worry less about the crazy.

On a more positive note...
We have been coloring Christmas pictures all weekend..it has been a fun activity as a family.  Noah wants to color with Brad and I at all times.

We are also working on serving others this Christmas.  So we are doing 25 days of kindness in the Allison home.  Each day we have a fun activity to do for someone else.  So far we have made ornaments for friends, colored pictures, bought book bags for a women's shelter, donated toys, and made and delivered candy to our neighbors.  Now don't hear me say this like I'm bragging...there is no bragging here.  Buying those book bags and the ingredients for the candy was a whole new level of torture for this mama.  Noah actually yelled at me for the first time...and it was awful. But...this who process is refining me..and also such a fun activity for us all.  Each day they open an envelope that tells them what the day's activity will be.  I catered them to what we already had planned for the day..such as tomorrow we are taking candy to our doctor's office since we have an appointment. Easy, but something to get the kiddos minds on others.

Tonight..we had our first brush with Santa. We don't really do Santa here.  Early on we said we weren't going to do it..but we just haven't made a big deal about it. We basically just haven't talked about him. Naive ol' me really thought we would never have to even worry about having that conversation. Well tonight while he was coloring his Christmas pictures (specifically chosen with no Santas) and Noah started asking about who was bringing his presents. We told him we were..and he was determined that Santa would be brining his presents.  We kinda just dropped the topic..but now I know more of these conversations are coming. We're going to have to accept it and make a decision. Ha. Oh well.

And that's that! Have a great night!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

I mean...NO!! But...Yay!!

In one week we will have a 3 year old.  T-H-R-E-E.

In one month we will have a 1 year old.  O-N-E. 

How in the world. 

Not possible.

But also so cool...because they are just amazing. Whoa. 

Thursday, January 23, 2014

10 Months!!!

Our beautiful little lady turned 10 months old last week.  Oh my goodness I adore her.  I am WAY WAY behind on her milestones...so I'll write them out here.  Someday they may just make it into her calendar/baby book.  

Stands up and cruises on EVERYTHING

Pushes toys/stools/chairs everywhere she can

She has a new smile that I can't - for the life of me- get on camera.  But it is a sweet little squinty eyed smile when she's extra happy.  It's adorable.

Is so funny when trying to get her to take a nap.  If she isn't ready she throws everything out of her crib and then sits there in the corner of her crib.  She cracks a huge smile when I walk into the room.  It's like this funny little game we play.  We do this at least one nap every day. She just cracks me up.

But she's a dream to get to bed at night. We nurse. She goes to bed. Just like that. No muss no fuss.  

Don't get me wrong...because while she's the easiest thing to get to sleep...she is not great at sleeping out of her element.  Noah, by this time, was sleeping anywhere and everywhere. Closets/Pack'n'plays/guest rooms...he was not picky.  Abby rebels against that. She doesn't love having to share a room with anyone. To be fair..the last time she had to do so I was sick and kept coughing her awake.  So hopefully it will be better next time we try.

LOVES Noah.  As previously mentioned. But she will follow him everywhere. She loves when he does something funny...and promptly rewards him with lots of giggles.

LOVES bath time with Noah.  They splash and laugh and are just hilarious.

Says mama and dada

Recently seems to be nodding occasionally to my questions..so cute

Waves ...kinda.

Still two naps a day. But mama does not love when she chooses her early nap to be her longest nap.

Just now starting to be interested in food other than nursing.  She goes in spurts where she'll down to packets of pureed food but then complete push those away and eat only what I'm eating.  The last two days she has downed soup I have made.

A little tiny thing.  I haven't weighed her recently.  But at her 9 month appointment she didn't even weigh 17 lbs.  

She is great at playing by herself. We'll see if this lasts.  

She's just so wonderful.  The perfect 4th member of our family.  

Wednesday, January 22, 2014


Inspired by a blog post my friend Ellen shared today on the FB...here is a list of confessions.

Sometimes being a mama is hard. But man do I love it. Here's our list:

Noah peed on our couch today. And the pillows. And on me.

I just started two sentences with and. I know that's not really correct. I'm going to do it anyways. And I'll like it. BOOM.

I truly dislike potty training.

Sometimes I feel like all I do in the afternoon is try to get Abby to take a nap.  Then I feel bad because I've missed out on time with her.

My oldest has taken to telling me often "You're not being nice to me" "I don't wanna" "I don't like it" and "I don't love you." It breaks my heart. I love him so much..and we are trying to hard to work on how he speaks. But seriously...where the heck do they learn this stuff?

He cries when he poops. So he refuses to do so on the potty.  I get SO frustrated with this.

I didn't clean my stove after we used it last night. It was seriously gross.

I've taken to only deep cleaning when we have guests.  This is a big deal...because well I love to clean. I LOVE it.  But I'm too tired to mess with it.

Speaking of being tired...I literally want to do nothing else but SLEEP during nap time. So I waste time during that time.

Today I tried to do my quiet time with my Bible while letting Noah have "quiet play time."  WHATEVER.  That was ridiculous. He ended up in time out yelling at me that he didn't love me and didn't want to play with me anymore. I ended up crying out for Jesus to help me.

I'm going to try doing it again tomorrow.  Since Noah was born I have always tried to do my quiet time when he was sleeping...so I could focus.  The thing is...I fully believe he needs to see me reading my Bible.  I also find that if I wait until he sleeps it just doesn't happen. At all.  And that's just completely unacceptable.

Back to the confessions...

I forgot to change Abby's diaper this afternoon after she got up from her nap. Brad commented multiple times on how saggy it was.  Poor sweet girl.

I'm so ready to be done nursing this time...physically...but emotionally I'm not even a little bit ready.

I can't believe a year has gone by since our precious girl was born.

Which means 3 years since Noah was born.

I'm training for a mini marathon but I hate to run. It's going just swimmingly - or horrible - but I'm determined.

Noah has watched so much TV this month I feel like a failure. But also..it's freezing cold outside, and I have run out of ideas for crafts/books/entertainment.

I recently started watching Parenthood on Netflix. It has sucked me in. Makes me cry and everything. I feel the real.

Brad had to cook his own birthday dinner...because by the time I prepped it and picked up Noah from school our friends were already on the way over and the house wasn't cleaned up. So I cleaned up while he cooked.  WIFE. OF. THE. YEAR.

But also...there are some fun confessions:

Abby loves to snuggle. I love it too.

I follow Abby around with a camera all day trying to get a video of her saying mama or dada. No go so far.

She LOVES Brad. So much. It's precious.

I love to do bedtime with Noah..because he asks me to cuddle him, we even have special "spots." We pray, we sometimes read books, we cuddle, we give butterfly kisses and eskimo kisses, he says "I love you so much Mama." I mean OH. MY. WORD. How precious is that.

I think my kids are the cutest things in this whole world.

Abby adores Noah...he adores her..and I adore that. I let him fake cough all through dinner tonight to make her laugh. She totally did.

I think it is so fun to watch Noah grow up. I miss him as my baby. But I mean he's just so smart and cute and I am amazed by him. The things he says crack me up.  His new thing is "It's ok mama, I'm just teasing." Or when he uses words like ottoman and tortilla - yet pronounces blanket as blanquet (like banquet with an l)

Tonight he gave me a pillow and a blanket because I said I was tired. He shows empathy when I'm sad. He protects me when daddy tickles me.  I mean. Melt my heart.

I am so excited to see Abby's little personality shine through more and more as she gets older. So far she's such a mellow little thing. VERY good at self entertaining. Sneaky (which could be trouble) and much quieter than I remember Noah being. Except when she's mad..because until Noah was almost 2 he was never rmad..so this is all new to us. She watches everything Noah does. She's a little stubborn but I'm hopeful that will turn into her being a strong girl.

That's it for tonight. I just...I treasure this time...we treasure this time...we love these little loves.  We're exhausted but gratefully so. Excited for what is ahead.