It's November. What.

I don't even know how that happened.  

Last week for Halloween sweet little man was a lion.  I wanted to be all creative and make his costume, but then my exhaustion won out...so we bought one.  Regardless...he was adorable.  He actually loved it.  He kept pointing to houses with lights on and saying "this this" "there there." He was loving it.  He tried to walk right on into a few of the houses, so I think we can say it was a success.  So stinking sweet.  After he was finished he was super cute dumping his candy out of his bucket and putting it back in over and over.  

The election is today.  I, for one, will be so thankful when the decision has been made.  Noah and I went and early voted - best decision ever.  It's hard to remember, but I've been working on telling myself, that regardless of what happens today absolutely nothing is outside of God's control.  He is sovereign.  No matter what the outcome today, it is not a surprise to Him.  Because of this, I can rest in the peace of knowing that while this country feels a little out of control, it's just not.  I know who rules this world.  I know Him, he's my Father, he's our creator, and he loves us.  So I'm trusting today...no matter the outcome.  

I start my job on Monday.  I'm feeling very excited and sad all at the same time.  I've missed using my mind for nursing...even just one day a week.  I've missed serving people this way.  I'm sad because I'll obviously miss our sweet little man..that's hard.  Also because Heart Hospital was the best job ever.  I'm really not exaggerating...I loved it.  So I"m really hoping to feel that way about this one.  

As I am starting my job on Monday, Noah starts daycare for the first time ever on Tuesday.  We've picked one that is right next door to the hospital and we both feel really good about it.  I'm so sad that he has to go to daycare, but I'm actually really excited for him to have some interaction with kiddos during the week, and some structured learning too.  Think it's going to be good!  

Sometimes my heart is ugly.  I feel like Brad gets the brunt of this.  I don't just feel this, I know this.  Here's a true confession for you, because if I put it here...maybe I'll the accountability will be good.  Since moving here, my discipline has really been lacking.  My relationship with Jesus seems to have been put on the back-burner which is ridiculous considering I have so very few things going on.  I have been so very convicted because I've been watching friends doing some really awesome things for Jesus.  My response to this usually tends to be a little extreme.  Something like "Brad seriously what are we doing with our lives? We're useless.  We need to be serving people.  Why are we such slackers?'  Seriously this goes on and on..and that's just not fair to Brad.  I know the problem.  The problem is me. My heart.  My laziness.  I don't have any big revelation...other than I'm asking the Lord to change my heart, and to help us get plugged in to serve.  Relying on Him, because I've clearly been trying other solutions and they aren't working. 

While we're on the confession thing...I am scared out of my mind to have a little girl.  Don't get me wrong..I will LOVE and ADORE and sweet baby girl.  I know that.  I'm just terrified.  Brad, my sweet and ever-level headed husband is of course not worried either way.  He's certain that no matter what we'll be just fine.  Sometimes I love that mindset of his, sometimes I think I may go crazy.  I have all these fears about how on earth I'll handle a little baby girl...not so much when she's a baby...later.  When she's a toddler and she wants to play beauty shop and she realizes her mama doesn't own any nail polish or makeup.  Or when she's a little bigger and realizes mama has no idea how to do her hair.  Or when she's a teenager and I'm trying to help her work through the pain of being a a teenage girl and realizes her mama never has the right words.  For some reason..those moments don't scare me as much with a boy...but I guess because I know what it's like to be a girl...I just want so badly to parent well.  I ache in my soul for our children to know Jesus..and to find their peace and identity in Him.  I ache to remember that it's not up to Brad and I.  We just have to do our best.  The Lord can handle it.  

Anyways..that's about it for now.