It's official. I'm tired.

And on the verge of a breakdown.

I sent a text to Brad earlier today begging him for some alone time on Sunday.  I told him I'm on the edge of losing it.  I actually asked if I could go and see a movie by myself.  Which I have never done...but in my irrational state right now, it feels like it would be the most relaxing thing ever. I feel like it is perfect, because I would be out of the house and responsibility free, and I wouldn't be trying to shop or something.  Not sure, I might change my mind...but currently that is getting me through this day. 

This day has been tough. 

I am so very thankful for God's grace to us.  I'm so thankful he sees every tear. He knows my every thought. Every single thought and tear.  Today, I have lost my patience more times than I can count. I've had to discipline Noah more than I ever want to, and have found my temper running short.  It's been probably the hardest day we have had in two years of parenting. 

I lost it at lunch.  I put Noah in his crib for time out, and I sat on the kitchen floor and sobbed.  I know it's harder because I'm two weeks away from Baby Duey's arrival, Noah is 2 years old and right in the throws of that, and it's snowing and we didn't get out today, and little man is sick so he is SUPER emotional today, Brad has to work next weekend so I'm staring down 12 days of him being gone during the day, and then a baby's arrival.  I can rationally look at each of these details and know that this will get better.  Additionally...I know that I will sleep again when the baby comes.  (Don't get me wrong I'm not crazy...I know I won't sleep a lot- but I will sleep easier.  Hopefully) I slept like a rock after Noah was born.  It's like the previous of 9 months of not sleeping hit me all at once and I slept like a baby.  Which made the days not seem so terrible..because even when Noah was up at night..I knew I would be able to go back to sleep easily once he was back to sleep.  I know it might be different.  Duey might not sleep well like Noah did (that will be a tragedy), or (s)he might need more feedings through the night..we'll just see.  For now..that is the light at the end of my tunnel.  

All that to say.  Our God is so good.  After our breakdown I went and got Noah out of timeout and we prayed before lunch.  While we were praying...which was another sob fest on Mama's part..we prayed for obedience for Noah and patience for Mama....sweet Noah leaned over and rested his head on me.  Gave his mama some love.  After that it was like a whole new day for both of us.  That is God's grace.  He heard our prayer.  He knows my heart. He knows that I need Him so very badly every minute of my every day.  I am so thankful for a God who knows the details of my life.  Who loves me more than I can imagine or even begin to deserve, and forgives me in my frequent failings.  Praise Him.

That's it for now..going to try to close my eyes for a few during nap time here..and then little man has to head to the doctor for his nasty cough.  Have a great week.