Witnessed suffering

Yep. Two in a week.

Insomnia has set in.  Actually, sleeping has not been too much of a problem this time, just more getting to sleep.  I would blame that on the daily naps though...oops! :)

The week has improved significantly as it has gone on.

I'm so thankful for that.

Our projects for the week have gone better, and Noah is so excited every day to open the envelope and see what he gets to do.

Tonight Noah and I took cookies we baked to the fire station.  I'm not a baker..which I believe has been documented on this fine blog...but they turned out ok thankfully.  I made Brad taste test them for us before we took them haha.

Anyways, after we dropped those off I told Noah I would take him to see some fun Christmas lights.

*note..I left my phone at home for this adventure*

*History: I have a history of picking up hitchhikers...and Brad and our family have assured me that maybe that was not my wisest decision,

So as we were driving to see the lights, on a backroad that was dark and with only a few houses, I noticed a car stopped on the side of the road.  I didn't think much about it, as I was on the hunt for the house I had heard about.  (Of course I didn't write down the address, or have my phone to look it up hahaha) Noah and I had decided that we clearly weren't on the right track and turned around to head home towards some other Christmas lights we like.  When we turned around, I saw the car that had been previously stopped driving away quickly, and a woman was waving at me.

I knew I didn't have a phone and Noah was in my car...but I just couldn't not stop. She said that her boyfriend was trying to beat her up, and had thrown her phone out of the car.  I stopped and shined my lights so she could find her phone, and offered to take her somewhere.  The boyfriend then came back and he kinda yelled at her and gave her her purse.  She got in the car crying and smoking..and I kinda started panicking.
My thoughts were something along these lines:

 Rachael seriously....she could kill you..
NOAH IS IN THE CAR!!!!
Please, Lord Jesus, Please keep us safe
What are you thinking?!?!
This guy could follow you!
What if he has a gun?
What if she does?
What if she's actually planning to hurt me and doesn't really need a ride?
YOU DON'T HAVE A PHONE YOU MORON!
LORD WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

Seriously. Sheer panic.

But then, my heart just broke for her. She told me they had been together for 5 months, she lives with the guy, he's gotten violent before, and how he's such a great guy he had just gotten a little out of control today after drinking.

Oh friends...this life she was leading. I just didn't have words of comfort or peace.

I wanted to take her to her mom's but she wouldn't go...she wanted to be dropped off at a bar in town..she was going to go back and meet the boyfriend once she "cooled off." She was convinced that since she was meeting up with his family he wouldn't hurt her...and I just wanted to take her to the police.

I didn't have words. I wanted to tell her about Jesus. About a savior who would love her and make her complete in ways she couldn't comprehend.  But the words didn't come.  We talked about the cookies for the fireman, and the Christmas lights, but I couldn't get words about my Jesus out.

I gave her my number and pleaded with her to call me if she ever needed safety. I asked her repeatedly to go to the police or her mother's but not to meet up with him..but she just kept thanking me and then left to go into the bar to wait for her boyfriend.

During all of this time, Noah was quiet in the back. So shy and taking it all in.  As soon as she got out he asked what had happened.  He asked who had hurt her and why we were driving her.  I talked to him, and explained to him as best we could that people are hurt and broken and need our love and help. I tried with what simple words I could come up with to explain that Jesus loves us and we love others....

But oh my heart.  Sometimes I take the peace in our life for granted.  I forget that this peace and comfort of a home with loving parents and more than we need is a gift and something that should be shared. I forget in the hard days of being home with my kiddos, and isolation of feeling lonely here sometimes, and the tired from the day to day..I forget to be open and sacrificial.

So tonight..I'm so thankful for the reminder. Also...not even lying I'm super thankful we're safe...because admittedly it wasn't my wisest moment. I broke down in hysterics when I was confessing to Brad because I knew he would not be happy with my decision to put Noah at risk...he was incredibly gracious..but I couldn't stop laugh/crying while telling him..Noah thought I was crying and kept trying to comfort me. Hahahaha.

Learning. Always learning here.

It is time.

It is time to get back to this blog business.  I loved having it to keep up with memories about life and our sweet little loves so I'm going to try.

Keyword...try.

Because I know me, and the tired truth of our days and that when those kiddos finally go to sleep I don't tend to want to update here.

But more importantly...I miss it. I can read through and have so many memories refreshed..so we're gonna try!

As for current life happenings...sweet Noah is 3 1/2...and Abbs is 1 1/2. How on earth they are that old and we have been parents for this long baffles me.

This current stage though...has not been my favorite.

I told Brad tonight that I think we had to far too easy for far too long. We're paying a little bit for it now. Year three has been tough on our little guy...not even the whole year..but the last three months. Abby girl is quite s personality, and we are working on molding that into obedience and kindness.  She is our tiny little instigator..and this is all uncharted territory for us.

So these days are long...precious..but long.

This morning in church the pastor mentioned delighting in our children. It wasn't the point of the message..but I was convicted in the moment. Have I been delighting in the sweetness of these kiddos lately? I don't really feel so.  I feel like lately the days have been long and hard, and I have spent more time disciplining than enjoying. When he mentioned that today though, I knew my heart needed to change. So I'm praying for a fresh and new start this week.  That tomorrow will be a joyful morning, and one where I take the time to enjoy my little loves and worry less about the crazy.

On a more positive note...
We have been coloring Christmas pictures all weekend..it has been a fun activity as a family.  Noah wants to color with Brad and I at all times.

We are also working on serving others this Christmas.  So we are doing 25 days of kindness in the Allison home.  Each day we have a fun activity to do for someone else.  So far we have made ornaments for friends, colored pictures, bought book bags for a women's shelter, donated toys, and made and delivered candy to our neighbors.  Now don't hear me say this like I'm bragging...there is no bragging here.  Buying those book bags and the ingredients for the candy was a whole new level of torture for this mama.  Noah actually yelled at me for the first time...and it was awful. But...this who process is refining me..and also such a fun activity for us all.  Each day they open an envelope that tells them what the day's activity will be.  I catered them to what we already had planned for the day..such as tomorrow we are taking candy to our doctor's office since we have an appointment. Easy, but something to get the kiddos minds on others.

Tonight..we had our first brush with Santa. We don't really do Santa here.  Early on we said we weren't going to do it..but we just haven't made a big deal about it. We basically just haven't talked about him. Naive ol' me really thought we would never have to even worry about having that conversation. Well tonight while he was coloring his Christmas pictures (specifically chosen with no Santas) and Noah started asking about who was bringing his presents. We told him we were..and he was determined that Santa would be brining his presents.  We kinda just dropped the topic..but now I know more of these conversations are coming. We're going to have to accept it and make a decision. Ha. Oh well.

And that's that! Have a great night!

I mean...NO!! But...Yay!!

In one week we will have a 3 year old.  T-H-R-E-E.

In one month we will have a 1 year old.  O-N-E. 

How in the world. 

Not possible.

But also so cool...because they are just amazing. Whoa. 

10 Months!!!

Our beautiful little lady turned 10 months old last week.  Oh my goodness I adore her.  I am WAY WAY behind on her milestones...so I'll write them out here.  Someday they may just make it into her calendar/baby book.  

Stands up and cruises on EVERYTHING

Pushes toys/stools/chairs everywhere she can

She has a new smile that I can't - for the life of me- get on camera.  But it is a sweet little squinty eyed smile when she's extra happy.  It's adorable.

Is so funny when trying to get her to take a nap.  If she isn't ready she throws everything out of her crib and then sits there in the corner of her crib.  She cracks a huge smile when I walk into the room.  It's like this funny little game we play.  We do this at least one nap every day. She just cracks me up.

But she's a dream to get to bed at night. We nurse. She goes to bed. Just like that. No muss no fuss.  

Don't get me wrong...because while she's the easiest thing to get to sleep...she is not great at sleeping out of her element.  Noah, by this time, was sleeping anywhere and everywhere. Closets/Pack'n'plays/guest rooms...he was not picky.  Abby rebels against that. She doesn't love having to share a room with anyone. To be fair..the last time she had to do so I was sick and kept coughing her awake.  So hopefully it will be better next time we try.

LOVES Noah.  As previously mentioned. But she will follow him everywhere. She loves when he does something funny...and promptly rewards him with lots of giggles.

LOVES bath time with Noah.  They splash and laugh and are just hilarious.

Says mama and dada

Recently seems to be nodding occasionally to my questions..so cute

Waves ...kinda.

Still two naps a day. But mama does not love when she chooses her early nap to be her longest nap.

Just now starting to be interested in food other than nursing.  She goes in spurts where she'll down to packets of pureed food but then complete push those away and eat only what I'm eating.  The last two days she has downed soup I have made.

A little tiny thing.  I haven't weighed her recently.  But at her 9 month appointment she didn't even weigh 17 lbs.  

She is great at playing by herself. We'll see if this lasts.  

She's just so wonderful.  The perfect 4th member of our family.  

Confessions

Inspired by a blog post my friend Ellen shared today on the FB...here is a list of confessions.

Sometimes being a mama is hard. But man do I love it. Here's our list:

Noah peed on our couch today. And the pillows. And on me.

I just started two sentences with and. I know that's not really correct. I'm going to do it anyways. And I'll like it. BOOM.

I truly dislike potty training.

Sometimes I feel like all I do in the afternoon is try to get Abby to take a nap.  Then I feel bad because I've missed out on time with her.

My oldest has taken to telling me often "You're not being nice to me" "I don't wanna" "I don't like it" and "I don't love you." It breaks my heart. I love him so much..and we are trying to hard to work on how he speaks. But seriously...where the heck do they learn this stuff?

He cries when he poops. So he refuses to do so on the potty.  I get SO frustrated with this.

I didn't clean my stove after we used it last night. It was seriously gross.

I've taken to only deep cleaning when we have guests.  This is a big deal...because well I love to clean. I LOVE it.  But I'm too tired to mess with it.

Speaking of being tired...I literally want to do nothing else but SLEEP during nap time. So I waste time during that time.

Today I tried to do my quiet time with my Bible while letting Noah have "quiet play time."  WHATEVER.  That was ridiculous. He ended up in time out yelling at me that he didn't love me and didn't want to play with me anymore. I ended up crying out for Jesus to help me.

I'm going to try doing it again tomorrow.  Since Noah was born I have always tried to do my quiet time when he was sleeping...so I could focus.  The thing is...I fully believe he needs to see me reading my Bible.  I also find that if I wait until he sleeps it just doesn't happen. At all.  And that's just completely unacceptable.

Back to the confessions...

I forgot to change Abby's diaper this afternoon after she got up from her nap. Brad commented multiple times on how saggy it was.  Poor sweet girl.

I'm so ready to be done nursing this time...physically...but emotionally I'm not even a little bit ready.

I can't believe a year has gone by since our precious girl was born.

Which means 3 years since Noah was born.

I'm training for a mini marathon but I hate to run. It's going just swimmingly - or horrible - but I'm determined.

Noah has watched so much TV this month I feel like a failure. But also..it's freezing cold outside, and I have run out of ideas for crafts/books/entertainment.

I recently started watching Parenthood on Netflix. It has sucked me in. Makes me cry and everything. I feel the real.

Brad had to cook his own birthday dinner...because by the time I prepped it and picked up Noah from school our friends were already on the way over and the house wasn't cleaned up. So I cleaned up while he cooked.  WIFE. OF. THE. YEAR.

But also...there are some fun confessions:

Abby loves to snuggle. I love it too.

I follow Abby around with a camera all day trying to get a video of her saying mama or dada. No go so far.

She LOVES Brad. So much. It's precious.

I love to do bedtime with Noah..because he asks me to cuddle him, we even have special "spots." We pray, we sometimes read books, we cuddle, we give butterfly kisses and eskimo kisses, he says "I love you so much Mama." I mean OH. MY. WORD. How precious is that.

I think my kids are the cutest things in this whole world.

Abby adores Noah...he adores her..and I adore that. I let him fake cough all through dinner tonight to make her laugh. She totally did.

I think it is so fun to watch Noah grow up. I miss him as my baby. But I mean he's just so smart and cute and I am amazed by him. The things he says crack me up.  His new thing is "It's ok mama, I'm just teasing." Or when he uses words like ottoman and tortilla - yet pronounces blanket as blanquet (like banquet with an l)

Tonight he gave me a pillow and a blanket because I said I was tired. He shows empathy when I'm sad. He protects me when daddy tickles me.  I mean. Melt my heart.

I am so excited to see Abby's little personality shine through more and more as she gets older. So far she's such a mellow little thing. VERY good at self entertaining. Sneaky (which could be trouble) and much quieter than I remember Noah being. Except when she's mad..because until Noah was almost 2 he was never rmad..so this is all new to us. She watches everything Noah does. She's a little stubborn but I'm hopeful that will turn into her being a strong girl.

That's it for tonight. I just...I treasure this time...we treasure this time...we love these little loves.  We're exhausted but gratefully so. Excited for what is ahead.

I just don't want to forget

These days are long.

But short...so very short.

Every day that goes by I realize more and more that we have these sweet babies in our care for such a short time!

That makes me a little a whole heck of a lot sad.

But man am I thankful for them.

Yesterday...Noah and Brad made breakfast in bed for the three of us. Sweet Abbs was still sleeping.  (Noah has recently taken to waking up at 5:30 am since we started potty training)

Anyways..while we were eating breakfast, Noah plops himself into my lap, gave me a kiss, and looks at Brad and says "Hey Daddy, I love you"

Just out of nowhere...completely unprompted.

The kid is just amazing.  He is so sweet, so tenderhearted, a total maniac, a crazy little destructor that I absolutely adore.

And Abby...sweet Abby.  She is getting so FUN! She's adorable, super happy, loves her brother, perks up and gets super chipper the second her daddy walks in the room, wants mama often and always if she is sad.  She likes her some music. She gets a huge smile and dances when there is music on.

I just adore them.

Just so many memories.

Sometimes though...I forget to cherish the small moments.  I'm working on it, actively.  I'm working on keeping the phone upstairs during the day so I'm not wasting precious time with them. We've done fewer social things lately - partly because of weather, partly because we just needed some quality time. I'm working on making memories with the kids, putting down my to-do list and just stopping to cuddle when the kiddos need it.

But somewhere in the 5:30 wake up calls, the baby deciding she wants to be held rather than nap, the toddler who throws silly fits for no reason, the colds that won't quit, the random fevers, the poopy diapers, the being peed on constantly while potty training..I just forget the joy.

I forget that God has given me the priceless gift of raising these sweet ones with Brad.

I forget to enjoy all the amazingness of these children.

I want to remember these moments.

I want to remember that we have the best privilege of our life in raising these children. We get to teach them, love them, pray for them, show them Jesus' love.  I'm just so thankful.

That's it...I just want not to wish away these days.

New Year...Back to the blog!

Oh my good gracious.  I haven't blogged since Abby was 4 months old.  BREAK MY HEART.

I'm a terrible scrapbooker..so this is where I keep memories to go back and fill things out.

But, it turns out....being a mama of two makes blogging a bit more difficult.  I have written many...but not finished them...so here we are 5 months later.

Since I last posted...

Abby turned 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 months old.  She's perfect.  She has a sweet little mellow personality.  She knows where she is comfortable..and makes it known.  She is EVERYWHERE.  I feel we'll have to baby proof more thoroughly this time around.  Noah was curious...but wanted to hang with me. He never was one to get into cabinets or anything.  Abby on the other hand...if it's just us at home...she's quite the little wanderer.  I find her everywhere...silently investigating everything she can get her hands on.  This smells like trouble...but the best kind.

Noah is almost 3.  THREE! Are you kidding me?  We have entered into a bit of a difficult stage as he has QUITE the opinions of so many things...but also..he's perfect. So crazy and loud, but also sweet and tender. He makes us laugh all the time. He is feisty and smart.  He loves his baby sister like I had hoped he would. I just love it!

We bought a house. We love it.  It's a home.  We're SLOWLY making it ours.  I say slowly because we have many an unfinished project around here.  But not due to laziness. I'm slow with decisions...so poor Brad doesn't know where to start.  On the books for the upcoming weeks/months: finish insulating the garage, paint the rest of the downstairs, hang curtains/blinds, pictures actually on the walls, maybe a patio out back, and begin the finishing of the basement.  But we love this little place we call home.

First Thanksgiving and Christmas as a family of four.  Perfection.

First Christmas in our new house.  Just exactly what we hoped it would be.

First house guests.  We've had Mom and Dad, Carl and Rosemary, the Peterson fam, Sarah and Phil and the girls, the Mehaffie fam, and the Sunnenberg fam.  I feel like I'm forgetting someone but what it comes down to is we love to have people stay with us.

In 2014 we are planning to head back to Austin in May, I can't even tell you how excited I am to go. I still miss Austin so much..and the people we love there..so I'm super excited for May! No babies on the horizon for us this year. Just loving these two we have and still figuring out being a family of four.  Hopefully we'll make lots of fun memories this year!

That's it for tonight! Easing back into the blog world.  Have a great night!