Life.

We're in the process of house hunting.

This was fun...5 years ago when we were looking for our first house.

But last year when we were looking...not so fun.  And here we go again.

See here's the thing about me...I become extremely focused on this task.  I have the real estate market memorized..and it's frustrating when no new houses come up..and we don't like any of the houses on the market.

It's tough.

I had gotten super excited about a particular house.  I mean...it was THE house in my head. I had all sorts of plans. Craft room, laundry room.  I looked back over all my pinterest boards to see what I could use from my pins.  Then Brad saw it.  It will not be our house.  It's not supposed to be.  Our realtor agreed.  It's just hard.

I'm ready to feel settled. I feel like we've been unsettled for almost two yeas and I'm ready to be in a home that is our home.  I want to not have to carry the kiddos up stairs anymore.  A garage that is attached.

But this weekend...and this is by no means coincidental..I was at home in Lafayette, and Pastor Whipple spoke a message that just spoke directly to the war in my heart right now.

This place, this time, this life..it's temporary.

Why am I so concerned about having a house?  I don't think it's a sin, or that it's wrong, to have a desire to make a home for my family.  I know that's ok.

But here's the thing...it gets me so down and so discouraged to not be finding one.  I have definitely had the thought of "Life will be so much better when we just have a house..." or "I'll feel less frustrated with all this when I just have a house..." or "I feel like I'll be a better mom/wife when we have a house."

It's embarrassing to write out here...or to admit to...but just trying to be truthful.

Anyways...so we had this message at church on Sunday...and it truly meant so much to me.  I called Brad on my way back from Lafayette last night and talked all about how I don't want this to drive me.  How I want to spend my time looking towards eternity with God...and how my life here on earth can prepare for that.  I want to spend my time pointing others to Jesus...not wishing for ways to make this world feel more like home.

I was so encouraged.

And then tonight...we go look at houses..and I cried the whole way home.  It's frustrating how easily I can fail.  Ugly heart I have.

I'm thankful tomorrow is a new day.  I'm going to try again.  Start over.  Remember that this earth is temporary..and any home we purchase...it's God's house first.  He'll bring the right house in the right time.  It's not my job to make all the plans.

Those are the thoughts for the night.  Soon to come...our precious baby turned 1 month old TODAY! :) We have her appointment on Wednesday so I'll post her monthly post then.