Getting so close!!

Worked my last 12 hour shift today.  AMEN.  That's it.  

One more 4 hour shift on Tuesday.  

I'm done.  I have contractions the whole shift when I work a 12, and it's physically exhausting.  So one more 4 hour shift and then 6-8 weeks of BABY TIME.  

I sometimes can't imagine going back after Duey comes.  But I know it's just because I'm so tired.

I mean for real I'm getting crazy.  

Today there were so many things I thought I had documented, and ended up having not documented.  That makes for a very long end of the day! Plus I was floated part of my shift today.  Crazy.

Also. I'm totally not a neuro nurse.  Today I had two different patients with sudden neuro changes and all I could think was TAKE ME BACK TO THE HEARTS!!!  I feel so dumb when it comes to neuro.  Thank goodness for good coworkers.  

Speaking of...one of the ladies I worked with today when I floated is trying to move to Austin and loves hearts...you better believe I bragged up my Heart Hospital to her and told her to DO IT! :) 

Noah now asks "What this? What that?" All the time...it's so stinking adorable.  I mean seriously this two year old thing.  I AM IN LOVE.

He rubs my belly when I get him up after nap.  He kisses the belly sometimes too.  He's recently obsessed with asking about Duey, and the other baby names.  I think he'll be quite confused when we don't actually name the baby Duey, and when no one named Duey comes around.

He now actually will kiss..and he makes a cute little kissy sound.  He usually does this only with his toys..still makes us come to him or presents his forehead for kisses. 

He loves to point out what we have...and to make sure we all have the same thing...so if Noah and Mama have cheese..he can't understand why Daddy doesn't have cheese.  If he sees his belly button he wants to find mine.  If I have a spoon, Noah has a spoon.  So so cute.

We got out all the baby stuff last night.  It's not all ready..but I've been working on organizing closets and getting things arranged..and Thursday I plan a big ol' deep clean to prepare.  No changes happening yet so I feel like I have time..but I want to make sure we're ready.  Our friend Anish will be here this weekend so I don't want to have to worry about it.  I just want to enjoy the last few weeks with my little man and sweet Brad.  So we're going to work hard the next few days. 

Two more weeks (plus 2 days).  YAY!!  Sweet duey we are so so so excited to meet you!

Also..I know this is kinda pointless...I'm kinda forgetful these days..and I just so want to remember this time with Noah.  Such precious memories this kid is giving us.  Have a great week!

Panic in the streets.

That's what's happening here.  Only time for a short post...because I'm really really trying to get things done today, but I'm beginning to PANIC.  We are not prepared for Duey.  Today is supposed to be the day that I get all the baby things out, but Brad is working part of the day and every time I try to start cleaning up a little bit Noah wants to play.  I don't want to tell him no when he comes to get me and asks me to play...but oh my goodness I'm not sure how things will get done.  Hopefully nap time and bedtime tonight will equate into some major work time for us.  Panic.  I could REALLY use some of the second trimester energy right now...from my pregnancy with Noah because this time around I have been tired the whole nine months.  (I blame the super cute toddler I hang with all day) 

In other news because I don't want to forget these things...

This week Noah has started crying out  "My drama" whenever he's crying/throwing a fit.  Sometimes when he's throwing a fit for no reason I will say to him "Oh the drama...life is so hard" Something along those lines. Clearly sarcasm is a great parenting tactic.  Anyways...no Noah thinks he has to say "My drama" whenever he cries.  It's hilarious. 

He is REALLY into family time lately.  He wants Brad and I both doing whatever he is doing.  This week his thing has been coloring.  So we've had a couple of family coloring sessions.  So cute.

He's back to climbing out of his crib.  This morning I woke up to him pounding on his bedroom door.  When I opened the door I said Noah what are you doing up?  He said "poopy," which he had done.  I then asked him why he wasn't in his crib, and he looked at me like I was crazy and said "Mama nigh-night." As in, "Duh Mom that things only for sleeping"  

He practices the baby names. it's so cute. 

But if you ask him who his favorite baby is...it's always Ella. 

He has started singing in the car...yesterday he was "singing" it went something like this...

"Tinkle Emiwy Tinkle Emiwy Tinkle THOMAS!!!"

(Twinkle Emily Twinkle Emily Twinkle Thomas)

Oh he's funny.  I love it.  I love this age...minus the tantrums. 

Alright..time to work.  

Our big boy turned 2!!

I am a slacker and haven't taken his 2 year picture yet...that should happen soon.  :) 

But I do have some fun pictures from this weekend.  Just a few.  

We had a birthday party for little man down in Lafayette this weekend and it was wonderful.  We are so thankful to have family close by again, and we're thankful for our parents who love Noah so well.  We're grateful for my mom and dad who let us move in for the week plus hosted Noah's party.  (Which next year I would REALLY like to get to host Noah's birthday at our own house..that would be great.  It would be his first birthday that we actually get to host so I would be so happy!)  We're also thankful for Brad's parents who drove all across the country to be there to celebrate with us.  We're very blessed.

Our little two year old is rockin' and rollin' lately.  Here's what we're doing these days: 

His language has just taken off.  I love it.  He still won't really pair words together too often...he does sometimes but more often than not he just repeats one word over and over to get to what he wants.  I'm really trying to work with him on pairing words like such as "water please" which is actually more like (wa-wa peas).  It's hard because being with him every day I know what he wants...so I forget to make him put the words together.  We're getting there.  :) But he has a word for everything.  It amazes me.  I think it's crazy when he randomly whips out a new word.  LOVE IT.

He is learning his colors pretty well.  He knows yellow, black, orange, blue.  Occasionally he'll point our red and green.  He won't really call them out.  He mixes them up...don't get me wrong.  But it's super cute to watch him learn.  

He loves to color everything....he calls crayons "colors" and it's the most adorable thing.

He's in love with our niece Ella.  It sounds a little more like "Allah" But if you ask him who his favorite baby is he yells Ella.  Today we were reading a book and I asked him to point out the baby that was reading and he said  "Baby Ella" 

It's neat to see how his little mind works.  I had to run him up to the hospital the other day so that I could check someone on my schedule...he saw a patient on a ventilator...and he said "oh baby nigh-night" Definitely not a baby patient...but he definitely was sleeping.  So cute.  

He wants Brad and I to play with him all the time.  He's very specific about this.  He points to where he wants us to sit.  This isn't reserved for just Brad and I..this weekend he wanted Pop and Uncle Luke to to climb into the little boat and cars at the mall and ride with him.  It was very comfortable for them as you'll see in the pictures.  

He has a favorite little friend at school. Emily.  He talks about her all the time and his teacher tells me he says her name all the time at school.  So cute. She's adorable too..every day I pick him up if she's there she will bring me his coat, hat, and bag from his little cubby hole.  I mean seriously.  

He runs everywhere.

He tantrums.  LOUDLY.  Not all the time...but when it happens..whoa.  It's hard to know how to parent this well...but at Mom2Mom last week our speaker touched on discipline and talked about how important it is when disciplining to point back to God's communicable traits. I won't go into all that right now..but it's given me a lot of peace over these tantrums.  I am very very thankful...and feel like we're really getting somewhere.  Not that he has stopped with the tantrums..I assure you he's extremely good at it.  

He ADORES Brad.  I am in love with watching those two together. 

We have his two year well check next week.  I'm excited to see how much he's grown in his last year.  

He's going to be a big brother in about 3 weeks.  WOW.  

He went on the potty again today.  We're going to try this again.  Just easing into it for now...I bought him some big boy unders so hopefully he'll be excited.  He should move up to the two year old class at school soon and they actively help potty train so I figure I better get on board. :)  I'm not in a hurry.  But it would be great to have less diapers to buy.  

That's it for now...hope you had a great weekend!

2:15 AM.

I legitimately thought that I was sleeping better.  I'd been getting to sleep a little easier and staying asleep most of the night.  Then this week happened and I'm back up.  

To be fair, I worked until 1:15ish..so I just got home.  So I'm on the decompress cycle right now.  It actually was a good night...just a little complication right about shift change, so I needed to stay a little late. I'm ok with that...worth it when you're not forced to stay.  

I think I should explain a little more the last post.  I am not great with my words, and sometimes what I mean to say and what I actually say don't really mesh as I want them to.  My question about whether I'm a stay at home mama or a working mama was not so much a question of if I need to change the situation I am in.  More of just feeling like I don't have a "classification" per se that I fit in.  Brad and I both feel very strongly that I am supposed to be working one day a week.  One day a week to use my brain that the Lord has given me, one day to serve others outside of our home..we know this is where the Lord has led us for this season of our life.  I am just emotionally struggling because I miss my old job, and the new job is beating me down.  :)  But I have hope that will improve with the end of the baby baking that's happening.  I think my emotions will be more stable and I think I'll get back to looking forward to work again.  

I do believe that after Duey comes along I'll be cutting back my hours quite a bit.  We'll see what happens.  

In other news...

We are 5 weeks from D-Day!  I am so excited!  We have finally decided on names (YAY).  Not going to share on here for now...ya know..in case we change our minds again..but it's nice to at least know we're going in with one boy and one girl name.  

Noah is hilarious.  That's it.  He's so funny.  He is also a PISTOL.  But we're working on it.  I LOVE watching him learn.  Recently he's quite the little negotiator.  He's very into movies right now...so his new thing is to ask for a movie over and over.  He changes is up...such as he starts with "King" (Which is Lightning Mcqueen), then we move to "Nemo", then Choo-Choo (Who he recently learned his name is Thomas so sometimes we just ask for Thomas, and then we ask for George.  He has this adorable little grin when he's asking.  Even when I keep saying no.  

He also does this at bedtime.  We sing ABC's and Jesus loves me every night before bed.  No when you're finished singing one he starts asking for another.  Over and over..and when he's done with that..he's been known to cry wolf on poopy.  "Oh poopy mama, poopy, uh oh"  He also has realized that if he keeps asking me to read stories then he doesn't have to go to bed.  So we read a story from his Bible, then for his "King" book, then another Bible story...then he'll hand the books to Brad and ask him to read.  Seriously.  I mean the boy has skills.  

If we're being honest here..I'm totally letting him get me on that bedtime thing.  I am loving all the time he wants to hang with his parents.  I know these times won't last forever, and I know that we have only a month before he doesn't get to get all our undivided attention..so I want to shower him with it.  

He turns 2 in a week.  Oh my goodness.  How has that sweet boy of ours been here for 2 years?  

We start weekly appointments at the doctor on Monday.  So so so very close. 

Mom and Dad came up last weekend to babysit for us on Thursday night...totally awesome to have Mom and Dad come and hang out for the day.  The men and Noah went to the museum up in Chicago, and then Mom and I went shopping.  It was the first time ever in my adult life that my parents just got to come hang out for the day.  They have always come and visited...but it's always a week long stay because we lived so far away.  It's just really cool.  Plus...Brad and I got a date night which was also fun!

Last week one of the ladies from my mom2mom group watched Noah for me.  He LOVED her three boys..and it felt totally ok to ask someone if I could drop Noah off for an hour.  Such a blessing to my soul to feel like these women are really becoming my friends. They are so sweet and I love every time we get to spend together.  I'm so grateful.  Today I had lunch with one of the girls and her sweet daughters.  It was awesome!  We're getting there!  We're getting community slowly but surely, and I am so thankful for the people the Lord has brought into our life here.  

Brad's coworkers are great! We spent Saturday and Sunday evening with them.  They are so friendly and open.  I'm grateful for the friends he's making there.

So that's where we are.  Life is hard sometimes.  I still miss Austin every day.  I still cry often abou that..especially Sundays.  I miss our missional community.  I miss the ladies that became my soul-knit friends.  But I am starting to see the blessings here more and more.  I see how the Lord is working in each area of our life..and that's awesome.  

Anyways...feel like I have more I could type..but that could be the tired talking here.  But it is now 3:04am..and someone I know will probably be up close to 6:30am.  So I better get to sleep.  NAP TIME is calling my name tomorrow.  Have a great week!

Oh...why?

Fair Warning.  This could be long winded. And kinda rambly (if that's a word)

So.  I started a new job awhile back.  I'm not digging it.  I'm really really trying to like it.  It's just really hard. Don't get me wrong, I really like the people I work with..they are fabulous and super friendly and helpful! I also very much enjoy beign back in the critical thinking world.  However,  I L-O-V-E-D my job in Austin...I'm sure I've made that abundantly clear.  It was my dream job, I would go back there in an instant given the opportunity. (Or I would transplant them all here)  

Here's the deeper struggle.  Where do I fit?   Am I am stay-at-home mom?  Am I a working mom?  I can't really figure it out, and it's really a struggle for me right now.  

Yesterday at work I introduced myself to one of the doctors (there are so stinking many of them I'm still meeting them) and he asked if I was new.  I said yes, but that I'm only PRN so that's why I haven't met him yet.  To which he responded with "Oh..why?"  I instantly felt like I had to validate myself and explain to him that I'm not lazy. I don't sit around and watch tv all day...but seriously.  Why did I feel like I had to do that?  My identity should not be in this.  I explained to him that I stay home with my son, and he seemed to be satisfied with that answer.  But ouch.  

In Austin, I felt like I was a stay at home mom.  For sure.  I worked one day a week, if needed I would go in occasionally at night time to pick up a few extra hours to help out, but otherwise..one day.  Thursday.  Every Thursday I worked and Kat kept Noah and that was that.  Otherwise..my little man and I were partners in crime. 

Now...I work who knows what day, who knows what shift, and I take Noah to a daycare.  Twice a week I drop my little man off to be taken care of by a daycare.  He loves it by the way- and we LOVE the people at the daycare they take such good care of our boy.  But I still don't like it. 

I drop him off twice a week so I can go to a job I don't really love. I feel like there's something wrong with that.  Here's the deal..I could stay home completely.  I know if that was something I truly desired we would work that out. 

But it's really not.  

See I LOVE being a nurse.  Really.  Especially being an ICU nurse.  This is a ministry for me.  For real, I feel like when I am doing my job, I am trying to bring Jesus to those around me.  I feel very firmly that there is a reason that the Lord gave me the heart that I have in order to do nursing well.  

I am trying to believe that I have all these silly emotions because I'm way pregnant.  (34 WEEKS TODAY!!)  Or that it's because we have been so crazy busy at work that I am being mandated, or asked to work late almost every shift.  This turns 8 hour shifts into 12 and 12 hour shifts into 16.  (So far only been mandated once, but have stayed 2 hours over my shift about 4 times. ) It's hard, and I'm tired.  So very tired.  

Then on my days off I'm so tired I feel like Noah doesn't get my best, and our house is a mess, and sweet Brad doesn't get my best...and I feel so so very guilty about working.  

And now there will be a sweet baby.  And a crazy adorable, energetic toddler. And an awesome husband.  And I think about leaving them to go to a job I don't love...and I'm struggling.  It won't change anything.  I know my emotional heart.  I know I most likely will feel super different as soon as baby joins us.  (not about leaving baby but about the job)  But I do wonder how it will be when I'm dropping both kiddos off two days a week.  I never left Noah two days a week..not until he was 20 months old.  That guilt may just eat me.  We'll see. 

I know I'm not the first woman in history to deal with this.  I know that Noah is thriving in his daycare time.  I know that I'm at this job for a reason.  I'm just feeling it all right now.  

Here's the reason I put this out here.  I'm pretty sure a few of you still read this, and so I'm asking for some prayer.  For the following:

1. That I would find my true identity as a woman of God.  Not as a working mama or a stay at home mama.  That I will remember that no matter what I am doing...I need to do it with the goal of bringing the light of Jesus to those around me.  

2. That I will find joy in this time of transition.

3. That I will get over my issues and start to look forward to each day at work. 

4. That I will remember that this is not just a job...it truly is my ministry.

5. That on my days off I can get some energy...to love my family well and to serve them with my whole heart.  

That's it for now.  One little dude just woke up from nap so time to party! Have a great week!

2013.

It's 2013.  How on earth did that happen?

In 2013...

my sweet husband will turn 30.

our sweet son will turn 2. (TWO?!?!)

I will be 29. one step closer to the big 3-0.

we will be come PARENTS OF TWO.

TWO CHILDREN.  In 8 weeks or possibly less...we will have two little ones.

I am so so excited and so so overwhelmed all at the same time.

Talked a few plans with the doctor at my most recent appointment. We're currently waiting to find out if this girl has gestational diabetes...if I do (BOO)...then the doctor said he would probably deliver me early so that we have a chance to go without a c-section.  I'm trying to trust this will all work itself out and we won't even have to worry about this plan.  But also trying to be realistic about the fact that gestational diabetes babies are big...and we make babies plenty big without that.  So I'm praying no c-section is in our future.  I know all will be fine either way..I just know that those first weeks of living on the second floor with a toddler and an infant...after a csection.  Goodness.  It will be fine.

Either way.  I can't wait to meet this baby.  Brad let me go buy some clothes for baby this week.  I've been looking up strollers.  We're planning to transition Noah to a toddler bed here soon.  So many changes. So much fun.

I am currently trying to cherish every single minute with little man.  It's hard to grasp that all this precious time of snuggles and play will no longer be just he and I, but now with a little baby.  So cool.  I still feel like I'm a teenager sometimes..turns out I'm a mom- of 2.  Eventually I'll get it.  

On another note..about the diabetes thing...I went to have my blood drawn today for a three hour glucose.  They also needed to draw a hemoglobin a1c.  (Another diabetes test) I got a call at 3PM (after I had just left at 12:45) that they forgot to draw my HgbA1c and needed me to come back in.  ARE YOU SERIOUS?  4 sticks today.  That's how many are required for the glucose test.  Four times they drew my blood and they forgot that one.  So now, Noah and I have to go back tomorrow morning to do it again.  :) I'm so excited.  I don't mind the sticks or anything else...more just the inconvenience of having to go back to to the lab with little man.  But pretty sure there are worse things. 

If I am diabetic..I was that patient today..you know, the non-compliant kind.  I ate the WORST foods after I finished...I was starving. 

Also...my job is going well.  Tough, but ok.  So far...I have been kicked off of orientation, had an admission and discharge in the same shift, taken patients to places in the hospital I didn't know existed, had a patient pass away, and today had a sudden change in status of a patient at shift change.  That's in three shifts off orientation.  That may sound like not much..but I feel like I'm treading water.  I was super thankful today because one of my supervisor's came up and said she had heard "good things" about me...which made me hopeful that my coworkers must not think I'm totally useless. YAY!!

That's it for now!  Have a great night!

Small problem.

I missed my blog.  A little.  But the holidays have been oh so busy, which has been fantastic, but boy are we thankful for some time to just rest for a bit before baby Duey joins us.  (Although if we're being honest I'm not sure what rest will be happening as we have not really prepared in the slightest for the little one..oops)

Today though, I think I did a bit of damage to my tail bone.  It's been bothering me since Rox and I went to Evansville to see El...and though I couldn't figure out why I figured I just bruised it or something when we were there?  

Then today we took Noah to this inflatable play place so he could run some energy off and I did something not nice to it.  Wouldn't be concerning to me except that we have a child coming in a little over two months.  (WHOA!) and I hear bad things about injured tail bones and child birth.  Oops.  :) So here's hoping that this bad boy heals.  It's a little embarrassing waddling around because my tailbone is in pain, especially considering otherwise I feel great but I look a bit like I'm 90.  I have to work the next two days too..so we could be in trouble.  

In other news....30 weeks on Thursday!!  I'm so excited!  :)  Can't believe little one will be joining us in 10 weeks.  How did that happen? I can't wait for Noah to meet the baby.  He is IN LOVE with Ella...so I'm super excited to see how he loves on this little one.  I'm back on thinking it's a boy right now...but I'm super focused on a girl name.  I have recently added another to our top two..making it three to choose from for girls..and we have two top boy names which I'm super content with.  

That's about it for tonight..at some point I'll have a photo dump from all the craziness of December..I did the math the other day as I was trying to figure out why I feel like we haven't been settled in a month.  It's because we haven't.  We went to Austin the first weekend, I worked the next,  I went to Evansville the next, and then we were in Lafayette for a week for Christmas, then I worked all weekend this weekend.  Whew.  That's a busy month.  But I'm so thankful because it was fabulous!  On top of all that was starting a new job, Noah in "school," and Brad working too.  Busy busy.  So we're going to enjoy some family time for the next two months.  One trip to Springfield, and hopefully a trip down to Jasper/Evansville to meet sweet baby Olivia, and a trip to Indy hopefully once baby Standeford joins the party, and then it's BABY time! So very excited!  

Ok..done for now.. here's a 29 week belly pic.  Have a great week!